There’s not much that I like more in this World that the short phrase, “It’s lunch time!” It’s my favourite meal of the day and my smile is broadest when there’s a sandwich and crisps in the offing. Obviously, there will have to be a fizzy drink of some sort to wash it all down and you bet that I’m in a sparkling mood! However, there have been lunch based incidents in my life which have put a kink in my day and a frown on my brow. Let me take you back a few years to some of my least enjoyable lunch experiences.
Enjoying a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk, I was in my element. Thick crusty bread and a deep layer of peanut butter was the ultimate in feel-good feeding but rather than being crunchy, this sandwich has a certain springy texture. Something bendy was making chewing difficult. I reached into my mouth and pulled the offending object out.
IT WAS A LARGE PIECE OF FINGERNAIL!
Crescent shaped and as bendy as a diving board, this piece of nail destroyed my afternoon of Sun-Pat delight. It was disgusting! I mean, really… I didn’t feel like finishing the sandwich much. I had a careful squint into the rest of the sandwich to find the rest of the finger but thankfully, it was just this piece of nail. In those more innocent times, I didn’t think of writing a stern letter to anyone but man, if that happened today, I’d be on “Watchdog” at the speed of sound and looking for compensation. I chucked the sandwich, the nail and the rest of the P.B. into the bin and had a cheese sandwich instead.
Another time, I was happily having an egg roll and a lucozade in the brilliant sunshine of Lewisham on a Summer’s day. I opened my drink and took a healthy glug at the golden sugary contents. I felt something bump against my lip and, naturally, I had to investigate. I held the small round item between thumb and forefinger and to my dismay, I was eye to eye with a wasp’s head. Not a full wasp but just the noggin. Yeuchhh! I chucked the darned thing as far as I could, which was an impressive distance in the World of wasps’ head throwing. I didn’t see it land. It then made me think. Where was the rest of the wasp? Did I swallow it? I didn’t feel any stinging or anything so I assume that it was beheaded in the bottling plant. To my shame, I finished the drink. It seemed like a fitting tribute to poor old headless Jasper.